‘My husband is a very gifted man,’ I thought to myself last night in bed. Though this is a very true statement, I meant it in more of a snarky kind of way. See, he has the gift of sleep. He could fall asleep within two minutes any time, any place and you know it’s real because he snores. Why I was up awake last night unable to sleep is another story.
Though I sounded snarky, pretending to be jealous of my husband sleeping soundly … I actually wanted to be awake last night. I wanted the minutes to linger and the day to not come to a close. It was the last night that I could say our daughter was born only “weeks” ago. Today was the switch that turned that special day into “months” ago. It has been 1 month since Anna was born and I could tell you what has happened each Wednesday since then:
- The first Wednesday, a week after her birth, we were at the funeral home making arrangements for Anna’s burial.
- The second Wednesday, we were traveling all day going to see my family for Thanksgiving and having some rest time alone as a family.
- The third Wednesday was December 4th (the due date of the baby we lost in April) and we celebrated our December Baby while we were on vacation.
Why do I write all this? It’s not because I am attention-seeking. No, in this case we want the body to know what it’s been like. We want our life to be a useful tool for knowing how to reach out to those who are hurting. Grieving as a Christian should not cut us off from our community – it should only draw us closer to each other. We realize that in order to allow our brothers and sisters in, we must make ourselves vulnerable. This is not easy. I do not like attention – and being vulnerable opens your thought processes and wounds to be seen. But we feel strongly that this is an opportunity to be used and not hidden away.
Our fleshly side as humans normally reacts one of two ways. We can use our pain to suck attention, affirmation and be dependent on other people to fill those needs. Or we can lock our pain deep down and not let anyone see it at all by silently carrying the heaviness within. Both of these ways to grieve will never satisfy and won’t fix the hole that you are seeking to fill.
That’s why as brothers and sisters who are onlookers or as those who are walking through pain, we must remember this: It’s not about us. Jesus is always the answer that fills the hole in each human’s heart. When we have physical and emotional pain – it is no different. You can’t heal an internal sickness with a Band-Aid. You need medicine. Even if you ask for a million Band-Aids, they are not the answer. The first place you as onlookers should go is Jesus. The first place that we sufferers should go is Jesus.
Sometimes in the midst of deep pain, it is hard to think very deeply or clearly and that is when you brothers and sisters are needed. You are able to speak truth and speak Jesus in a clear way that can remind our hearts of our Rock. If the solution ever becomes “Oh, they need ME…” then you know perhaps there are not healthy expectations anymore. If the solution to a friend’s pain seems like shying away and holding back the comfort you have from the Lord, then perhaps it’s ok to leave that text of encouragement or to drop by a note with Scripture on it. Sometimes we need someone pursuing us when we have turned inward.
It is the sort of thing you need to follow the Spirit on, but this you can always trust: We need Jesus. He is the answer. I hope that this post is helpful in your life with those around you who are suffering or perhaps you are suffering. Either way, our efforts for peace are powerless if they don’t lead us to Christ. For those of you who are not in relationship with Jesus – I can say that everything else you look to for refuge and peace in the storm will only continue to leave you empty with no answers. Because using Band-Aids for an internal sickness will never do the trick. Jesus is your answer to fulfillment. Jesus heals our hearts like no person or thing ever could.
Thanks for reading today! We are, step by step, moving forward and expectant for what He has in store. If you have any questions please feel free to message us or email us on our contact page!