It’s hard to describe what emotion was hitting as we were driving to Children’s Hospital last year on this day, knowing I was in labor 16 weeks too early. The best way to describe our mindset is that emotion was not the leader. Emotion was strangely lacking and the best way to describe it is simply a “waiting”. It was very clear that things were out of our hands, probably the most clear example of our life! The position of soul was not fighting or pleading or wishing or wanting… just waiting. “What is God doing?” “My God is with me and I trust Him.” These would be a few phrases that might sum up the attitude.
And that was just it – we were waiting to see which gift He would give us. A gift of a miracle in stopping the labor and continuing this fragile pregnancy or the gift of saying hello and goodbye to our second daughter. Both were gifts of grace – things we didn’t earn out of our goodness or lack of goodness, but rather opportunities to glorify our God with whatever gift He chose and to build up His church. Her name Anna Nicole meant “Grace is our Victory” not because grace is the only aspect of salvation – but because it was an unmerited gift that we have anything at all. Or in other words, Karma has no place in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
It’s my second daughter’s first birthday today… and while I have SO many different things I could share, all I can do is testify of the great honor it has been to carry the gift that our God chose in her death on this day last year. We have seen only a spurring on in faith and trust in Jesus that the gift of a miracle would not have given. We have been given opportunities to share the gospel because of it and been able to learn to look with so much expectation of heaven. I keep thinking that today we are not remembering Anna’s death, but that we are celebrating a WHOLE YEAR of her being in the presence of Jesus Himself. Parents like to be proud of their children and I am so proud of what Jesus has done with my Anna. My daughter has taught me to trust in faith in the one I can only imagine seeing and better yet – she has surpasses me and KNOWN His face intimately for a whole year. It is a much greater accomplishment than anything I could hope for her here in this life.
Happy Birthday Anna. We are honored to have been chosen to be your parents. The gift of your life has changed ours and when we think of you – we are reminded of the closeness and dearness of the One who you have taught us to trust explicitly. We Thank God for every day of those 24 weeks and trust He will only continue to use your birthday to be a reminder of His every GOOD GIFT. He knows best.
– Your Mommy