“You are in the beginning stages of miscarriage…” (Baby #2)
“There are two subchronic hemorrhages in your uterus which can sometimes cause miscarriage.” (Baby #3 – 6 Weeks)
“We have found several cysts on the baby’s umbilical cord that is sometimes a sign of chromosomal abnormalities.” (Baby #3 – 9 weeks)
“The baby is showing very small for the weeks of her gestation. Second percentile. It could be related to chromosomal abnormalities.” (Baby #3 – 20 weeks)
“It looks like Corrie’s lymph node is bulging! We don’t know why, but it’s very abnormal and we will have to do an ultrasound on it.” (Baby #1)
“Gathering everything we have heard about Alex’s headaches, we have to recommend doing an MRI on his brain.” (Husband)
No one wants to hear these things. It has been a scary year. We have never known such pain, trial or trust than this year. But I don’t say all these things to make you feel sorry for us, in fact, I say them to boast. Not in an arrogant selfish way – but in a way that points you to one place. Our Jesus.
After getting the call about how our second daughter is abnormally small for her age in utero, a wave of exhaustion washed over me. I just can’t keep doing this roller coaster of drama. But the verse that came very quickly to me after taking my burdens to the Lord was this:
“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
This is where we are. Very weak. But in every one of the situations above – the LORD showed his grace and strength to us. In ourselves we have nothing, but in Him – we have COMPLETE security. Why? Yes, we lost a child and have had to walk through SO many insecure things!? How do we call what we have COMPLETE security?!
Well, it all depends on what makes up your life. If my husband, my children, my home or my job held the significance of my life – we would be doomed. However, if my life is directed, owned and instructed by a loving God who is using all things for His glory and my good, then what is happening is actually expected. What is happening is something that will draw me closer to He who IS the significance of my life. Jesus.
It all comes down to where my home is. Am I building up treasure in my family and creating my identity off of its health and prosperity? Or am I rejoicing over the good gifts my Father has given and trusting that He will use all these trials to gain more of Him? Homemaking in heaven takes my fear of loss and uses it to bolster strength to gain Christ.
My fear of scary circumstances will probably always be a thorn in my flesh. But it’s there to press me into the most secure thing there is. My Jesus. He never changes, is not effected by drama or doctor’s warnings. He owns my life and He will gain glory through our family because it’s HIS family. Not mine.
Look to Jesus dear Christian. Your pain is significant, but it’s not what owns you. He is your life and cares much more about what you are walking through than you can even comprehend. Our job is to trust His rule. Let’s fight in faith that HE is in control and not our fear. Let’s look to Him for every breath He gives us. What would the world see when they look at us? Peace.